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A look into my chaotic mind

Day 28

5/10/2011

4 Comments

 
Picture
Do you ever have one of those days where you don't really
feel anything at all? Almost like you're empty?
Well, I'm having one of those days.
I don't have the desire to do anything, not even be lazy.
Humph. No fun.
Anywho, let's get to the real reason you're reading this blog,
my answer to the question!
My most prized possession would have to be my memories.
Does that even count as a possession?
I think it does, so I'm going to just go ahead and go with it.
I've had a rough life, not the roughest (or even close),
but I've had to deal with some hard things that many people
my age don't have to go through.
My most treasured memories are those of my dad.
Sometimes I stress out about the memories because I'm scared
that one day I'll forget them.
Story time:
I was at college in Muncie and I had a dream about my dad
for the first time since he passed away. It was the most real a
dream had ever felt. I honestly thought it was reality.
It wasn't one of those dreams where you feel like you're falling
and then you magically wake up before you hit the ground,
it was like I woke up and I thought the dream had just happened,
but logic wouldn't let me believe it.
What happened in the dream isn't a big deal but afterwards
I was crying and I was so happy that I saw by dad but sad that
the dream wasn't real. It was around 3AM and I was just crying
and crying. I called my boyfriend and he asked what was wrong
and I told him I couldn't go back to bed, I couldn't go back
to bed because I knew when I woke up the 2nd time I wouldn't remember
the dream. You know when you have those crazy dreams and you're
like 'man, I've gotta tell someone about that when I wake up.'
and then you wake up and you totally forget the dream?
There was no way I was letting that happen.
So, knowing that I couldn't stay awake I wrote my dream down,
word for word, every single detail, even if it didn't make sense.
This has happened 2 times after that and I write the dream down
each time, no matter what time of the night it is.
It's things like this I don't want to forget, I wish I could write
everything down so one day I could look back and relive my most
treasured memories, memories with friends, family, pets, anything.
If I had to choose an actual object for my most prized possession,
I would, without a doubt, choose my camera.
It's like a memory saver.
Just another way to chart what I've done in my life,
and I've done a lot.
:)
Wow, writing this made me not feel so 'empty'.
I think I'll work out and go shopping with my
#1 faithful reader, Ms. R.J.R.
Oh, I got my grades back.
Check out my School section for my grades!
4 Comments
Rhea
5/10/2011 12:33:15 pm

Johnny, you are not alone in feeling that unexplainable 'emptiness'. I feel that way a lot and I always tell myself that eventually the feeling will go away but the only cure that I've found for it is hanging out with family and friends. I feel like there's so much I'm just waiting for and I think thats why I feel 'empty' so much. I'm waiting to be done with this phase of my life, im waiting for the right guy to come along, im waiting to be done with college and be onto a real job, im waiting to be healthy again. im waiting for so much but Im hoping that once I can run again and once I feel normal again then things will be better.. who knows.. anyway back to the actual question that this blog is about, my most prized possesion is my dog. I know that sounds lame but she has been here for me on my best and worst days. she seems to always know when im sick or not feeling well and she ALWAYS knows how to make me smile. Her adorable little face makes any bay day a good day. All this sounds so dumb but its true. Shes so cute and I love her even though she has eaten one of almost every pair of socks I have haha :)

Reply
Renee
5/13/2011 06:23:33 am

How did I guess that Rhea was the one who commented? Shes a freak. Kind of creepy lol. Okay now I'm going to actually read this one and then respond as well.

Reply
Me again
5/13/2011 06:36:17 am

I completely agree with you about memories being my most prized possession. I keep a journal of every day (or almost every day) and I try to write down everything that happened and what I was feeling during that time. I go back and read the entries all the time and I love reliving it, most of the time. Other times I get angry with the way I handled a situation or something like that. But, just so that my answer isnt the exact same as yours lol I'll choose another possession. So I guess mine would be my camera. Haha just kidding :) Really though, mine would be my health. Honestly, I'm not trying to sound arrogant or rude or even selfish, but I'm not as strong as Rhea or as your dad. I wouldn't have been able to go through all that with a smile on my face. Even though your dad didn't have the ending we all hoped for, he was so strong through all that. I wouldn't have been. I guarantee I would've wanted to end it before God did. I'm so thankful for the health that God has given me and the fact that I'm healthy enough to go serve Him where I feel He's called me. Watch, I write this and then tomorrow come down with a cold hahaha okay not funny. Anyways, that's my most prized possession. Kind of selfish, but true.

Reply
Johnny
5/15/2011 05:58:44 am

Rhea- even though, your dog is a pain in the butt, she is super cute. By the way, she bit me really hard last night! haha but she was too cute to get mad at. I think it's crazy how 'in-tune' animals are with their owners. Lito is the same way with me. One day I was crying in my room and he was outside. He started barking to get in and when someone let him in the house he rain straight upstairs like he knew that I was crying and he was coming to comfort me. :)
Renee- I don't think that's selfish at all! I think it's one of the things that most of us take for granted and it's good that you realize how lucky you are! I guess it's more 'in your face' with what Rhea went through but still, sometimes I'm not thankful for my health and I was around someone who was ill as well. Again, no way is that selfish. :)

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  • Hey there!
    • 21 by 21
    • 2012 Bucket List
    • 'No-Poo' Challenge
    • Pennsylvania
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    • About
    • 2009 >
      • France/Germany (March)
      • EuroTrip (December '09-January '10)
    • 2010 >
      • Haiti (July) >
        • Journal
        • Photos
    • 2011 >
      • Chicago, IL (March)
      • Charlotte, NC (May)
    • 2012 >
      • Mini USA Roadtrip (March)
      • Lincoln, NH (June/July)
    • 2013 >
      • New York City, NY (February)
    • 2014 >
      • Turkey/Greece (March/April)
    • 2015 >
      • Costa Rica (March)
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    • 2016 >
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