My plate is completely full.
I don't mean full like 'yeah, I'm just busy all the time and oh but I still hang out
with my friends at night and I go shopping and blah blah blah.'
No. This is the kind of busy where I'm lucky if I get to eat a meal before
10PM. If I'm not at school, I'm at work, and if I'm not at either of those places,
I'm at practice, and when I'm home from practice, I'm doing homework.
It's not like I thought this was going to be easy, I knew that is was going to be
really hard, but I wasn't prepared for this.
I can manage my time, no problem, the thing is, I don't have any time
to manage. I go straight from one thing to the next without a moment inbetween.
I also have this issue with stress. It's like an annoying gnat that is always flying
right above your head but you can never seem to swat it away because it's just always there.
Yeah, that about sums it up.
I'm really trying to keep it all under control but I can slowly feel it all piling up.
I went to church this Sunday at home and our pastor was talking about just 'sweeping things under the rug'. He brought a good point up that after a while the rug starts getting pretty
full of dirt and junk and it starts to get pretty hard to sweep anything else underneath.
I try to make time for myself but lots of other things seem to be taking priority. Aside from school, work, and practice, I've got a relationship to work on and friendships to keep, it's just a lot for one little girl. :) I'm not comlpaining, just hoping I can make it through my senior year
without having some sort of nervous breakdown. Now THAT would be no good.
Man, it really feels good to let this all out. I need to start blogging more.
Now you know I have <-> this much time to myself so I'm not going to make any promises. :)
On a much lighter note: I'M HOSTING MY FIRST COUCHSURFERS THIS SATURDAY!
If you can't tell, I'm pretty dang excited. They aren't from some far away land but who cares,
It's going to be awesome, if I don't bore them to death. I'm hosting a married couple from
Richmond, IN, about 45 miles away, yes, you heard me right. It's very close to Muncie,
BUT the kicker is, they're riding their bicycles here! So, their plan is to ride to Muncie,
eat, rest up, and ride on back the next day! I'm pretty jealous of their little trek, Brian and
I have wanted to take the trail from Muncie to Richmond for so long! Maybe they'll give us the little kick that we need to jump into gear.
Oh, I'm also the new co-captain for the Ball State Women's Ultimate frisbee team. :)
We have 30 girls on the email list with about 12-20 girls making it out to practice each day.
They're learning the ropes and really catching on to the strategy of ultimate. I'm so proud of them all! I still get a little nervous about talking in front of them, I don't know EVERYTHING about ultimate so I feel a little under qualified. But, I'm making it work along with the
other captain, ELS, and we're having fun, which is the most important thing anyways.
I'll be sure and update after my couch surfers leave, maybe even before then with another question of the day! Thanks for checking in. :)
I'm not really far from being 18 but I have grown up a lot since then so
I could probably give my younger self a tad of advice. Actually, I could give my younger
self a TON of advice.
- Don't date that boy honey, if his parents don't love you, it won't work out. He also
lives in Georgia. You.are.insane.
- Listen to your parents, they actually do know what they're talking about.. and
don't sneak into rated R movies because they'll always find out.
- Don't smoke that cigarette.
- Being spontaneous is a good quality but probably not the best idea when you're looking
for a college. You'll love Ball State, but maybe put a little more thought into it?
- Don't eat tuna every day for lunch, it's not healthy for you.
- You are special and different from every single girl you will ever encounter, don't
brag about it please, cherish it, and don't let anyone tell you differently.
- You will be a leader one day, start practicing.
- Sing at church more, people love to hear you sing, and it makes your parents proud.
- Thank you for not drinking.
- Don't reconsider being the captain of the varsity boys basketball team, it will
be the most fun you've ever had, even if all the girls call you bad names. p.s. they make
it to the state championship game.
- You're wearing way too much make up.
- Your dad, he's not going to make it pretty girl. Be nice to your friends even though your life
is really sucking right now, you'll need them later. Spend every waking minute you can
with him. It might upset some people, but they'll understand.
Those are just a few things I'd let myself know.
What would you tell yourself?
School is starting, buy your books and get yo hair cut!
I've had many people over the years tell me that I'm rude.
It's not really a surprise anymore when I hear someone say this about me or to my face.
I've tried to fix my little 'quirk' but it's been a bit of a challenge.
To me, rude is the wrong word, but doesn't everyone say that when they're trying to make
themselves sound less bad? Blunt is a better word to describe my social behavior,
at least in most situations. I have a hard time grasping the concept of 'beating around the bush'.
It is something that confuses a lot of people and can lead people into a situation that they
were not anticipating and most likely did not want to end up.
I over heard my mom once tell someone 'Don't get on Johnny's bad side, you won't like it
over there.' I just tell people how it is. A lot of people don't like that and I completely
understand and I do try to respect that. I'm just the type of person that would rather
know the facts straight out instead of having to take the risk of interpreting them wrong.
I know the saying 'leave a little mystery!' but I'd just rather not.
You get what you see, no frills, no extras, no hidden meanings, just me.
If you don't like it, you don't like it, if you do, you do.
That's just how life goes.
Of course I'm not some straight up jerk to people, especially when they need someone
to comfort them or a shoulder to cry on, but I do try to let them know the
truth instead of sugar coating everything. I don't really get why people would
want their life sugar coated into some imaginary perfect world.
Even with my friend RJR who was diagnosed with cancer a while back,
it was sometimes hard to give her the sympathy she deserved. (Hey RJR, pretty sure
this is the first time you're hearing this, no worries) I lost my dad 3 years ago to cancer
so every time that she had something to say my first response, in my head, would be
'just be thankful you're here, you're alive.' After a while I realized that yes, she is here and
alive and well - wait, no, she is not well. What she went through is unimaginable and
torture to her poor body. I had to try to put myself in her shoes and think about what I
would want someone to say in that situation. It took me a couple weeks to get the hang
of it but I think I did an alright job, at least I hope I did RJR.
So yes, I am blunt, I call it how I see it. But there is a time and a place for a little
softness on the edges of my 'harsh' social skills.
I'm still grasping the whole idea of it, but I do think I've gotten better, a little.
Any misconceptions about yourselves?
It's hard to talk 'bad' about yourself, but I admit, it felt really good.
Until another day,
I've always 'wanted', ever since I was a little girl with chubby cheeks running
around in my swim trunks that matched my brothers, and no, I didn't have a shirt on either,
my mom would tell me time and time again 'you want to much.' So then I switched it up,
'Mom, I need this toy!' 'I need a puppy!'
Need, Need, Need. Want, Want, Want.
Need, Want, Need, Want.
It all seems to trivial now. Half the crap I 'wanted' I didn't even want!
I just thought I had to have it because everyone else had it or because we were at
the store and that meant I just had to buy something, right?
I've grown up since then, just a little, and I've started to realize things I
want aren't things at all.
Right now I want peace of mind. I've said it once and I'll say it again, I'm a worry wart.
I've been reading blogs on Tiny Buddah about peace of mind and letting go and all
that good stuff. They actually have some really inspiring ideas (who knew?!)
A couple that stuck out to me were:
-Set aside a time to worry each day. Write down your worries in a notebook as they
come to you and forget about them until the designated time. Then, worry your little
heart out until the time is up. This will make your day more efficient and make your heart
and mind a little lighter.
- Have a 'worry' burning ceremony. I couldn't think of a clever name so sorry about that one.
Anyways, write all your worries down on little pieces of paper and set a flame to them one
at a time, taking a moment for each to really 'let go' of the worry. If you're not too savvy
with fire just imagine writing it down and burning it, but I like to live life on the edge. ;)
Peace of mind should always go hand in hand with a smile so read this
and check out a few things to get those pearly whites a showin'.
Be sure to check out my blog from a couple days ago, I went cliff jumping!
It was wild! Pictures and videos included!
Thanks for checkin' in today, if you can't tell, work is pretty boring compared to last week.
Yeah, my answer was pretty deep like always but I'd love to hear yours..
let me know something you've always wanted! And don't feel bad if it's a material item,
everyone can splurge once in a while!
When I think of 'giving up' I always think of it in bad terms.
'Don't give up!' 'You're giving up on me?' 'So, you're just going to give up?'
Those are the things that come to mind first.
Today I have decided that some things you can give up on and it is O.K.
I'm giving up worrying, or at least trying to.
'Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere.'
How true is that? You can stay up all hours of the night worrying over something,
will it make a difference in the morning?
Nope, it's going to happen whether you worried about it or not.
A friend of mine told me to never worry because you put yourself through
the situation twice; once in your head and once in real life.
I never thought of it like that! I'm a worry wart, I'll admit it.
I worry about everything, big or small.
For some reason I feel that it's my job to make sure everything goes smoothly,
and if it doesn't, it's all my fault. Who gave me all the responsibility?
No one did, I put it on myself.
I've been trying these past months to just let go of everything I've been
trying to control and worrying endlessly about.
If it's going to happen, it will happen.
'Rule number one is, don't sweat the small stuff. Rule number two is, it's all small stuff.'
I could go on and on with quotes I've found about worrying, they're all so true!
Tiny Buddah does it again with this blog.
This website has been a serious life-saver for me the past few months.
Any time I'm feeling or thinking anything negative I turn to the words
from this website and it always seems to calm my mind.
I had a big jump in readers yesterday, thanks for not forgetting about my little website!
As always, feel free to think of your own questions to ask me!
Don't forget to think of answers for yourself to these questions, it's good to
put your brain into overdrive every once in a while.
I talk a ton about how we need to be grateful
and appreciative of all of the things we have
in our own lives but I'm going to talk about something
a little different in this blog.
I wish that people understood that the way you treat
others is the way that you will one day be treated.
I catch myself and my friends saying something mean about
someone or doing something disrespectful and I think to myself
'How would that make me feel if that was said/done to me?'
Or if you say something mean about someone and then the next
day you are told that so and so said something mean about you
and you are so upset that they would say that about
innocent you. Well, I'm sorry deary, but just yesterday
you were saying the same thing about someone else.
This is a note to myself and to all my readers,
it's so cliche' but 'treat others how you would want
to be treated' because, someday, you'll be put into
the spotlight about how you've treated friends, family,
co-workers, police officers, anyone.
Also, if you hear others talking about people behind their
backs, stick up for that person instead of joining in with the
gossip. Wouldn't you love to know that someone stood up for
you when people were saying nasty things about you?
So, next time you're out to eat and your server is a little
slow with getting your order in or refilling your drink,
don't say something mean about them.
1) understand that they may be going through a really hard time
and 2) imagine how it would feel if someone pointed out your flaws
in the middle of a public place
This concept can obviously be applied to anyone in just about
any situation, take time and think before you join in on the
morning gossip at work or out with your friends.
In other news, I'm headed to North Carolina with my friend
RJR! We're headed there for the week! Check out my journal
while we're on the road here!
Do you ever have one of those days where you don't really
feel anything at all? Almost like you're empty?
Well, I'm having one of those days.
I don't have the desire to do anything, not even be lazy.
Humph. No fun.
Anywho, let's get to the real reason you're reading this blog,
my answer to the question!
My most prized possession would have to be my memories.
Does that even count as a possession?
I think it does, so I'm going to just go ahead and go with it.
I've had a rough life, not the roughest (or even close),
but I've had to deal with some hard things that many people
my age don't have to go through.
My most treasured memories are those of my dad.
Sometimes I stress out about the memories because I'm scared
that one day I'll forget them.
I was at college in Muncie and I had a dream about my dad
for the first time since he passed away. It was the most real a
dream had ever felt. I honestly thought it was reality.
It wasn't one of those dreams where you feel like you're falling
and then you magically wake up before you hit the ground,
it was like I woke up and I thought the dream had just happened,
but logic wouldn't let me believe it.
What happened in the dream isn't a big deal but afterwards
I was crying and I was so happy that I saw by dad but sad that
the dream wasn't real. It was around 3AM and I was just crying
and crying. I called my boyfriend and he asked what was wrong
and I told him I couldn't go back to bed, I couldn't go back
to bed because I knew when I woke up the 2nd time I wouldn't remember
the dream. You know when you have those crazy dreams and you're
like 'man, I've gotta tell someone about that when I wake up.'
and then you wake up and you totally forget the dream?
There was no way I was letting that happen.
So, knowing that I couldn't stay awake I wrote my dream down,
word for word, every single detail, even if it didn't make sense.
This has happened 2 times after that and I write the dream down
each time, no matter what time of the night it is.
It's things like this I don't want to forget, I wish I could write
everything down so one day I could look back and relive my most
treasured memories, memories with friends, family, pets, anything.
If I had to choose an actual object for my most prized possession,
I would, without a doubt, choose my camera.
It's like a memory saver.
Just another way to chart what I've done in my life,
and I've done a lot.
Wow, writing this made me not feel so 'empty'.
I think I'll work out and go shopping with my
#1 faithful reader, Ms. R.J.R.
Oh, I got my grades back.
Check out my School section for my grades!
This question was a hard one for me to wrap my little brain around.
I feel like I do a pretty good job of celebrating the things that I have,
compared to the way others celebrate things they have.
But, I still feel like I'm doing a terrible job.
What does that say about the world?
Honestly, for every 100 complaints I hear a day from
friends, family, teachers, anyone, I hear maybe one celebration.
Isn't that so sad?
One thing I always say to people is 'wow, you're really pessimistic.'
And the usual response I get?
'No, I'm not, I'm just being a realist.'
Sorry, but that's not being realistic.
Yes, I understand that you don't want to be that super
optimistic person that gets let down a lot but, geez!, at
least appreciate something in life.
Everyone says they appreciate that they have a roof over their
head and food on their plate but I don't see people appreciating that
at all, I admit, I don't appreciate it as much as I should either.
I don't want to babble on about this because I think the picture
and the question have enough meaning in themselves.
One thing I have celebrated today is the fact that I'm almost done
with the semester (one more final to go!). But, more importantly,
I'm thankful that I have been given to opportunity to attend college.
So, what have you celebrated today?
I know I've posted this picture before but
the words are so powerful, especially for today's
question. Have a wonderful weekend everyone!
Be thankful you're here to celebrate it!
What's not to like about spring?!
But in all seriousness, spring is one of my favorite seasons.
I say that like I have a million seasons to choose from.
Nope, only 4, but I can't seem to choose just one.
Spring and fall, those are my fab 2.
Things I like about the spring season:
- the weather
- ability to go barefoot anywhere without freezing my tootsies off
- green grass!
- my birthday
- the end of the semester/the beginning of summer
- it's perfect to play ultimate in
- laying in my hammock
- reading books outside in the grass
- my attitude (I think I have depression related to weather,
winter and I do not get along, at all.)
- playing disc golf
- wearing jorts
- playing disc golf while wearing jorts
- finding Easter eggs
- all the good fruit is back in season
- hanging my laundry out to dry
- taking naps with my puppy
- planning summer trips
These are just a few things I love about spring.
Now, if only the weather would consistently start feeling like
spring, well, really, it's time for summer.
Get it together mother nature!
Just keep the weather like it is today!
Have a great day everyone, good luck on finals!
^^ This is my friend Brodie. ^^
He puts Chuck Norris to shame with his throws.
Subscribe to his page for Ultimate tips and tricks!
Don't get me wrong, I am lucky to have had the
chance to experience this world with all of its technological advances.
It has helped this world in so many ways!
We can communicate with people across the globe just as easy
as talking to your neighbor.
There are people alive today that shouldn't be alive, but due to
the medical advances they are, and for that I am so thankful!
BUT, that's not what the question asked is it? :)
I think that living in this modern world has caused people
to always have their noses into something;
mainly a cell phone, computer, or iPod.
Let's take New York City for example, everyone is hustling
and bustling somewhere and they don't even take the time
to even look at the people they're shoulder to shoulder with,
let alone strike up a conversation with them!
I know some of you are probably thinking
'why would they want to talk to a stranger?'
Why not? What if they're having a really crappy morning?
You could help cheer them up! What if they're on their
way to their first day at their dream job?
You could give them a pat on the pack and tell them to 'rock it!'
Everyone is so busy with their own lives that no one seems to care
about others. I went to New York with my boyfriend for a weekend
and I felt really alone. People wouldn't even make eye contact with me!
(I know I'm not that bad looking!)
We were talking in my child psychology class the other day about
how the world works. The U.S. is all about individualism.
Better, fast, stronger, king of the hill, CEO, always wanting more.
That's not how we were made to be. We were created to rely on one another.
If you were here all alone, this world would crumble. You can't
do it on your own. You have to have others to help you make something
happen. Even the simple things, like someone who works at a gas
station, if they weren't there, you wouldn't be able to get gas,
so you wouldn't be able to use your car, and that would seriously
limit the places you go. Appreciate the people who help keep this
place running smoothly. And we all keep it running smoothly.
So, take the time to tell the cashier thanks and have a good day,
and really mean what you're saying. Take the time to compliment
someone on their hair or their shoes or their purse and mean it.
That could make someone's day! And no, they won't think you're
creepy or weird, people are dying to have someone say something
nice to them, or say anything to them at all!
We all need each other.
To all my Faithful Readers:
Here is a small peek inside my brain. Enjoy.